TIME TO BE DIRECT

Remember that guy we told you awhile ago? The one who "wanted to hear our voice for the first time in person" and then sent a stick-it-to-you email to us? Well, he got in touch again. A full 51 days after his last email, which we didn't respond to. Interesting.


FROM HIM
I am still curious as to how I missed out on a chance to take you out on a date.

P


Persistent. Since silence didn't work. Maybe it's time to be straight with him.


OUR RESPONSE
P, if you must know:


1) We asked you to call and you didn't, giving some weird line about wanting to hear our voice for the first time in person. We clearly wanted to speak on the phone prior to going on a date.
2) There were other guys we were more interested in going out with at the time so we felt no urgency with you.
3) You sent us a totally rude and immature email after we didn't respond to your advances.
4) We've met someone...the relationship has progressed in the past few weeks and we're not interested in dating other people.


We know that the online dating world can be pretty harsh and laced with vagueness. And we may approach it in a pretty cutthroat way that might not be fair. 


There have been lots of guys that we've had online conversations with who've suddenly stopped interacting, who we've gone on date with and who've never followed up. To us, that's just part of the process and we try not to take it personally. We guess we just figured that most people saw it that way. We never meant to be rude or hurtful.


Good luck to you.


What do you think? A fair response? We wonder if we'll hear from him again.

OK, STYLE (& MANNERS) DO MATTER

We met Patchwork Jacket on a popular dating website. He was our second "experience." He suggested dinner with some of his friends. Which we thought was a little odd, but said yes anyway.

We arrived on time but seemed to be the last there. It was a group of eight, seated around couches. (Not the most conducive set-up for group chatting, let alone a date.) And Patchwork, a little distracted and hyper, was focused on making sure every last person was entertained. First date-type interaction seemed like a low priority.

Still going with it, we chatted with the nice, calm guy seated next to us.

After dinner, Patchwork and one friend announced they were heading to a nearby bar. We got invited. Since we didn't have anything else planned on this Saturday evening (we’re not in the habit of making back-up plans when we have a date, perhaps we’ll rethink), we went along.

And here’s how he earned his name. 

As we were leaving, Patchwork puts on a blazer made up of various sizes of leather squares, in every level of brown you can imagine, sewn together in an incredible patchwork pattern. Apparently it had been hiding in his man bag. We were alarmed and commented, saying it was colorful. He responded with “it’s my favorite.”

Had the jacket been his first offense of the evening, we might have been more tolerant. But, it wasn’t. And so we decided right then and there – there wasn’t going to be a second date.

At the second bar after a disastrous attempt at dancing with Patchwork Jacket where he also leaned in for a kiss (not good!), we began an illicit flirtation with a hottie who was a great dancer. Patchwork didn’t notice. (Not our proudest moment, but we didn’t get all dressed up for nothing.)

And success! Hot Dancer Guy called the next day. 

CONDITIONS

We've come to terms with a dating reality - though some things aren't preferred, we'll cut our dates some slack and we hope they'll cut us some too.


Things we're cool with:

• Less than ideal height/age/marital status (aka divorced or separated)
• Lack of style (as long as it's not really bad and they're clean!)
• Awkward conversations via email, phone or in-person (let's face it, dating is awkward, fun but weird)

Things that aren't OK:

• Asking us out (when we've never spoken or met) on a first date via text, call us pleeeease
• Extreme lateness (A guy we had coffee with last weekend, at a place supposedly two blocks from his house, was 35 minutes late!)
• Weird texts from guys we barely know. For example: I have a heart-on for Mondays. Yes, we actually got this text from the the above late guy post-date. Was that supposed break the ice? How do you even respond?

Questions of the day:

• What is it with people and texting? Is it just us or should texting early in a "relationship" be limited to "How r u?" And "Thnx 4 last night." types of texts?
• What types of dating behavior and date characteristics will you put up with and what are deal breakers?

MISS DECISIVE

OK, we've decided to Match it up again. So far, it's been pretty fun. No dates yet, but lots of good conversation with seemingly normal, interesting guys. Except this one. 


Email a few days ago from Match Guy:
Have you met your Jewish prince yet?


Uh, no! Why else would we be on an online dating site? We check out his stats.


Age: 37 (check)
Location: Beaverton, OR (wait a minute, just mapped this and it's over three hours from our house!)


We decide that the distance and question-that-doesn't-really-prompt-good-conversation puts this guy in the no category. We don't respond.


A few days later we get another email from Match Guy.


Subject: Hmmmmm
Email: Guess so :-)


Wait a minute. What is the point of that? Is he trying to call us out for not responding? Is there etiquette for dating websites that is above and beyond real life? (We can't even begin to count how many guys who have asked for our number and never called. But we're not sweating it. We don't call them and say "Why haven't you called?" It's part of the deal, right?)


Should we have been more open-minded and written back to him in the first place? Or were our instincts right and this guy is a weirdo?

SINGLE, SENSITIVE MAN, LOVES ANIMALS...

Our friend went on a date once with a guy who told her he loved penguins. He even had a tattoo of a penguin. And, he was in a band. Which could be hot, right? But then he told her he wrote a song about having sex with a penguin.

What is wrong with people? Why do they let their freak flag fly onafirstdate?

SENDING THE WRONG SIGNALS

We had another strange interaction with a guy recently. No date. Just emails. It seemed to start with a miss-communication, but then spiraled into something angry...

You decide.

Subject: Wondering why most of you look but don't write.

My name is Matt. You look willing to answer.

I usually write to introduce myself. Dating is not a priority right now but I figured I might as well ask somebody this question and see what happens. Are most women so invested in being found by the right guy that spending a few minutes on a hello seems out of the ordinary?

Have a good weekend,

Matt

Our Response: 

Hi Matt,

You pose an interesting question. Our thought is that girls may look but not write for the same reason that many guys look at our profiles but don't contact us -- once viewing a person's profile we may not find that "something" that interests us. For the most part, if someone does contact us, we try to respond in some way. What are your thoughts? Do you make contact with each person whose profile you look at? If not, why?

We also have another question for you -- if dating is not a priority, why are you on Match? A girlfriend of ours was on this site a couple of years ago, and this came up with one guy she was emailing.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

Cheers,
Chop Suey
His Response:

If I'm interested at all then I write. I can't help you there. I'm on a dating site because I can't turn off my biology regardless of my priorities and would overcome my current circumstances for the right person. 2009 was the toughest year of my adult life and my "type" would not need explanation, I hope. If you're just wanting input and don't see what value there might be in getting to know me, happy hunting and take care.
Our Response: 
Well, we apologize if we misunderstood the intent of your first email. Typically if someone is interested in getting to know us and emails us here, "dating is not a priority" is usually not part of the email. After reading your email, we truly thought that you were looking for input.

Best of luck to you in your search.

THE LIST

You help us decide - should we go out with this guy again?


1) He asked us out for coffee, but suggested a restaurant at 6pm.


2) He picked a restaurant quite near our house, so we put on our flatest flats and took a stroll. Too bad he said he was 5' 10 but he was actually shorter than us - and we aren't even 5' 5 barefoot!


3) He reserved a table for us (really sweet, we know) and specifically requested side-by-side seating (just us, or is this awkward?).


4) Apparently he goes to this restaurant a lot because he knew what he wanted before we even had a chance to open the menu and seemed impatient for us to decide.


5) He ordered two eggs sunny side up and hash browns (Weren't we just meeting for coffee? Isn't it dinner time?) and then inhaled everything before we had two bites of our sandwich.


6) He's not interested in travel (which might be OK for some people, but we SO love to travel). However...


7) He likes to read about other places and believes that reading is essentially the same as the real travel experience.


8) When the check came not only did he take us up on our offer to split it, he made sure the waiter knew that the sandwich was ours (it was two dollars more than his, after all).

PILLOW TALK

Photo via dress, design, decor

We decide to try online dating again. It had been a few years and we need to take control of our dating life. Let's  have an adventure and see what's out there. After a few days and a few winks we get an actual email.

Email #1

Hope you're having a good thur! I just noticed your ad and thought I should say hi and introduce myself. I guess I'm not sure what to say, but I live in downtown Bellevue, just turned 30 last month also and am still getting used to it...lol You seem straight to the point and am wondering if you might be interested in getting together? My name is brian and if you'd like to meet up, let me know!

(What’s with the random non-capitalization and punctuation?)

We check out his profile and notice that 1) He’s super-cute. But, 2) His profile has a lot of loaded language like: I'm looking for a girl who doesn't want to change me, who is comfortable with me being me and her being her…And we think – hmmmm.

But, being open-minded and believing that it's important to cast the net wide on this Internet-dating-thing (mind you, the wide net did not include "Bed-shaker-69"). Besides, we need practice composing casual-but-interesting emails because it’s awkward and we never know what to say. We write him back a short, slightly dorky email. Notice we don't address his offer of getting together. Seems premature.

Response, Email #2

Hi Brian,

How are you? Having a good weekend? Yesterday was so beautiful – definitely made us excited for summer (or spring at least!). Happy belated birthday! Did you have a big party or do something else special?

Well, tell us a little more about yourself. Downtown Bellevue? Have you been to Boom Noodle?

And this is what we get back:

Email #3

I think I'm not interested in dating people right now. I'm just so busy and don't really have much time for a real relationship. You are awfully cute though! Definitely someone to wake up next to everyday...I'm sure you'll find your man in no time =)

Wow. We just got rejected by a guy who hit on us. This is a first. Upon consultation from several wise friends we get these possible explanations:

1)     brian just wanted booty and our response showed that we weren't down.

2)     He got dumped, signed up for online dating and then regretted it.

3)     Between thurs and Sunday the man met the girl of his dreams =) and just wasn’t into us.

What did we learn? You should never tell someone you don’t know that they "look like someone nice to wake up next to." It’s uncomfortable.

Note: One-week later when we check up on brian’s profile, it’s been removed.

FLAT

Moving to a new city is hard, especially if you’re single and know no one. We decided to join Match when we got to D.C. – the best way to shock us into a social life we thought. Our second date was with a guy who was a giant, goofy and floppy and strange.

Does he suffer from ADD, we wondered? Is he crazy? Unfortunately we downed three martinis as a coping mechanism, so when he went for the back rub, we didn't resist. Worse, we didn’t protest when he gave us a big, slobbery, goofy, floppy kiss.

Forgive us – extreme loneliness, tiredness and martini-ness made us weak.

And don’t you agree? Once we kiss someone, we feel almost obligated to go out with them again. 

In the time it took to get from date #1 to #2, we chatted on the phone a bit and learned the following:

- He was unemployed

- Living with his parents

- Usually stoned out of his mind on painkillers because of chronic back pain

- He was stoned out of his mind on our date

- Whenever he is constipated, his back pain acts up "real bad"

- He has urinary hesitancy (this means he can't pee in public. neat, huh?)

Clearly, when date #2 rolls around, we are not excited. We organize a squadron of new friends to come meet us at 8 (date starts at 7). We arrive on time – he’s not there. We order a mojito and nurse it. Get a text from him at 7:15: "HAVE YOU LEFT YET?" We call him back: "At the place. Been here for 15 minutes...you know, at the time we agreed to meet?" He is apologetic and says he'll get in the car right away.

45 minutes later we are wilting into our mojito. Nothing is more humiliating than being stood up by someone you're going on a pity date with. Areweright?? Friends show up and we bail. A half hour goes by and we have a voicemail from date:

"I was coming down Rock Creek Park when I hit a pothole and got a flat tire (cue sounds of cars whooshing by). Triple-A came and changed it and I'm on my way..."

We text: SRRY ABOUT UR CAR. WE’RE KINDA BENT OUTTA SHAPE FROM WAITING SO LONG FOR U, SO LETS CALL IT OFF. HOPE UR NITE GETS BETTER.

We turn our phone off. About an hour goes by, and when we turn it back on we are hit with  a barrage of angry text messages from him, along the lines of:

I CAN'T BELIEVE UR DOING THIS TO ME

I WAITED 2 WEEKS TO SEE YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME

I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL

etc.

We're shocked alright. We turn the phone off...and continue to have fun with the new friends.

THE PERILS OF ELECTRONIC COMMUNICATION

We decide to try online dating. Just to get our feet wet, expand our circle. You know.

Email from guy: You seem interesting and cute. Here’s my number, we should get together sometime.

We read his profile. He seems OK. Not that great to warrant an immediate response - their are cooler people we're pursuing. Plus, we’re a little old-fashioned and would have preferred that he ask us for our phone number.

Email from same guy two days later: Why haven’t I heard from you?

What is wrong with people? We haven’t even met Guy (who's apparently crazy) yet and are already having drama. No thanks.